make (tea or coffee) by mixing it with hot water.
"I've just brewed some coffee"
Brew. In my own terms, is what I'm to. It's about what I'm doing, "brewing", to make my life better. I'm just an average person, doing average things with an unfortunate circumstance.
I'm 24 years old living in Minnesota. I am a University of Minnesota graduate with my BA is Family Social Science, and currently work for a large real estate company as a traveling office administrator and I love it!
If you don't like little cute dogs, this blog isn't for you. My little pup friend Lucy (pomchi) is in almost every single post. She's my little sweetie, my first love, what my first blog was named after. I parted with the blog Coffee With Lucy because I was ready to get serious about blogging! I was finally ready for blogging to be one of the biggest parts of my life and my career. With the redesign of my blog, the name change was inevitable. This blog is about my life and Sammy's Brew seemed to fit the tone a bit more.
Why I started this blog:
Because I am depressed. I was diagnosed with clinical depression about 4 years ago. It's genetic, really...it is. You can't see it but I promise you it's there.
I have struggled with depression most of my adult life and I am not ashamed of it. I feel my emotions 10x deeper than most people and sometimes the smallest things hit me like a ton of bricks. Some days/weeks/months are harder than others. The best way I can describe my depression is that it just feels like there is a hole within me somewhere and I can't find it. I feel like something is missing and I am constantly chasing to fill it. I don't want to be empty but the feeling is inevitable in this circumstance.
I do not and will not take medication for this. I may not be ashamed of this disease but I certainly don't accept it as my fate. I took medication when I was first diagnosed and I HATED it. I never felt super happy and never felt super sad. I feel better when I am working on this day in and day out. Some days I feel like I may need to start taking it again but that makes me feel like I am accepting this as part of who I am. I talk to friends, family and even therapists about how I am coping and finding new ways to take care of myself all of the time. I am confident that one day I can look back at this time in my life as something I battled, not as something that has been engraved into my character.
I am fortunate and I know this. I am not dying and I have more than most of the world. When the world is in crisis, I am thinking of it and participating in ways that I think are effective. To some, I am not "truly struggling" but the best way it's ever been explained to me is "depression is when your mind and body stop loving each other but still eat at the same dinner table every night". Staying humble and knowing I could be worse off helps me put what this into perspective and heal.
I have taken refuge in many things in hopes to beat this thing. I have found it in people, in alcohol, in places... nothing that was constructive. It wasn't until about 2 years ago in 2014 (November 1st, to be exact) that I realized I had been doing it all wrong. I was so tired of being sad. I was so tired of being hungover. I was so tired of crying every single day and never knowing why. I was so tired of treating people I love like crap. I was really tired of always being tired. I stopped binge drinking, I stopped partying for every other day , I stopped feeling sorry for myself and I stopped blaming the world for how I felt. I started eating better, working out, reading again and lots of other things where the forefront was about taking care of myself. I surrounded myself with a completely different group of people and let me tell you, that is the best thing you can ever do for yourself if need a big change. I took responsibility for myself, for once in my life and it has never been the same since. Although things are better now and very different, it doesn't mean that each day comes easy. There are days where I struggle to get out of bed and take a shower. I am still working on a lot of things I want to be different but I know that I will never be perfect. I owe all of the progress I have made to Jake (boyfriend). He turned my life upside down and helped me find parts of myself that were scattered all around and helped put me back together. I don't think he even knows that.
My biggest goal with this blog is to inspire and challenge someone else to be more. If I am the person that inspired you to go out and apply for a new job because yours doesn't make you happy anymore or I inspired you to take a yoga class and you loved it (you will, btw), then I did exactly what I intended. I want you to be better than yesterday and take that step into the life you really want and changing into the person you really want to be. But why am I putting my basic ass life on the internet? What make me stand out? Nothing really.... I'm as normal as they come but when you make something public, it holds you accountable. It doesn't look very good when you tell your readers you're going to do a 5K or do some weird diet for 30 days and when that time comes you have nothing to show for it. I want to hold myself accountable with this blog. Depression is not a lifestyle and it is NOT something you have to accept and live with for the rest of your life. I'm taking this one day at a time. For once in my life, I have the support I've been looking for.
If you are ever needing someone to talk to, you can talk to me. I have been there 1 million times and you ARE NOT alone. I will never count you out.
Some things about... self proclaimed news junkie, bookworm, beauty minimalist, coffee enthusiast, Nirvana on repeat, yogi, wanna be-runner & lifter, green juice drinker, interior design & décor interested, budget savvy & classically fashioned.
Things you can find here:
How I'm coping with books I'm reading, coffee I'm drinking, places I'm traveling, clothes and brands I'm wearing, food I'm eating, yoga I'm practicing, workouts I'm working, makeup I'm using, naps I'm taking, shows I'm watching, things Jake and I are doing, apartment decorating I'm doing and the money I'm saving in the midst of it all!
You WILL NOT find super awesome atheistically pleasing photos all of time and life changing transformation photos here... because LOL I'm a human being, not a social media crazed person trying to get likes on the 'gram. This is a very REAL blog with very REAL language, photos and content.
"Remember the days you prayed for the things you have now."- person
*Disclaimer: I am NOT a doctor. Any coping mechanism I post works for me and these are all my own personal decisions and methods. Please consult a doctor before making any large lifestyle change or changes in your medications.